I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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