a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
