dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
