I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
