Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
