Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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