Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
