No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Shame - the story of my life.
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