I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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