so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
