would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
