I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
