thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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