i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
