My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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