have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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