Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
