I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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