You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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