i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
