So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize