What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
