Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Two words: blizzard sex
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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