Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
