Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
