I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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