I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
