Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
