Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
accomplished twins. life is a go
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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