First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
