you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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