She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
