Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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