I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
