Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
