I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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