I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
