you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
