no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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