Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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