So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
