I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
