that's an acceptable place to lick
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
