remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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