We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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