Christians are straight up FREAKS
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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