I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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