My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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