Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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