i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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