Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
