were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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