Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
