I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
