I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
