somebody snuck up and got me drunk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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