Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
