so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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