Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
