Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
