all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
