they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
