That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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