And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
