There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
