Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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