Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
