I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
