im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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