Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
