Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
