u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
