i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
