I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize