Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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