Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
