ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
