Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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