Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
