do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
