i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
