my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
