i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone came in the potted fern
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
