he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
