I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
