found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
