Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I looked at my own cervix.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize