The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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