Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
