OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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