Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
