My brain says no but my pants say off.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
