so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize