just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
