when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
