I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize