Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
