I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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