my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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