So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
