i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize