FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
