You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
