help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am naked and annoyed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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