I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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