if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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