if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize