I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
