how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im on a boat
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