Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
