omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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